Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
