woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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