i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
