My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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