WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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