You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
