The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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