Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
My feet surprised me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
