remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
