According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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