I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize