hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
