my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize