You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
