i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
