I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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