Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
