I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
