What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize