May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
