I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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