now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
