toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
