sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
