There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize