I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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