Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
