You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
