butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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