Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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