i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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