I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
