You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
