hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
