i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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