It's like God shit irony all over that family
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize