I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
