She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We have so much sex to catch up on
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
