I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
