dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
