So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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