Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
