do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
