Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
