Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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