anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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