i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
