I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
