S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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