Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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