Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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