I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
