I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
