I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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