I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
