somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
