i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All I want is dick and wine.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
