to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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