I'm eating all of the evidence.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
