You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
