If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Randomize
