i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
