I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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