Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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