glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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