my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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