Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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