Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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