I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize