I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
