The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
