My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
