There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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