Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize