My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
