He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
