i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
