12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
