I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
