Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
