I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
