You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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