Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize