I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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