i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
