guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
