she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
