She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize