When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
