do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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