You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
