someone get that fucking seahorse.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
